Reflecting on the Anti-Black Racism Episode of OnEdMentors

On Thursday night, I gathered a panel of educators for our live OnEdMentors show, like I do each week. The topic was Anti-Black Racism. I was worried that, with all of the Covid return to school challenges, some of the momentum gained last year in anti-racist work in schools would dissipate. I was hoping to keep it top of mind for educators, especially those that can close their doors and minds to this every day experience for other educators and students, who live and breathe it. I am so grateful to Matthew Morris, Jay Williams, Rashmee Karnad-Jani, Melanie White and Amanda Potts for taking the time, especially on our first week back to school in Ontario, to come onto this OnEdMentors episode.

Gathering panels is an interesting challenge, and one that I take on for each week of the school year. It isn't easy, but this show is actually a key source of learning for me, too, and I hope that those who listen to the live broadcast or to the archived episodes find something useful is every episode, like I do.

The panel for this episode challenged me. At first, I was going to seek the voices of only black educators for obvious reasons. I went to Matthew and Jay because they started Quarantine Ed to raise important issues and facilitate thinking through their leadership. Matthew, in particular, is someone from whom I have been learning for many years, now. Then, something I learned from the panel on an episode marking National Indigenous Peoples Day stuck in my head about racialized people being so tired of being the only voices of change for their people. They reminded me that the world can’t change until we are all willing to undertake the work. I then gathered Rashmee, who had and will lead more Circle Conversations on anti-Racism at The Mentoree and is a humble leader and Mentor. Additionally, I asked Melanie and Amanda because of their bravery in developing their podcast, Just Conversations. I am quite aware that gathering panels are fraught with different obstacles including ensuring representation, multiple perspectives, and balance. This respectful group engaged in powerful, organic, and insightful conversion on the episode.

The second the recording was over, and the panel ended their debrief, I felt embarrassed. No, that’s not the right word. I was proud of the episode, but I felt regretful about my mistakes and my vulnerability in making them. I want to do meaningful work, and I know that in order to make changes in education and myself, things are going to get uncomfortable sometimes. Leaning in to that discomfort is the only way I will be a better teacher and human being. When I error in front of others, whether it ‘s when hosting OnEdMentors, in intimate conversations on The Personal Playlist Podcast, through book studies or other learning experiences, it’s a bit more public and harder to swallow. Saying things that I wish I could unsay makes me feel ignorant and unworthy. Yet, if I didn’t say them out loud, I wouldn't learn to do better. It’s something I struggle with about myself, and I am grateful to be in the arms of supportive communities and amazing people that help me reflect and grow.

How could I insinuate that representation factors into what I teach? I have never waited to have someone from a racialized group in your class to teach in an anti-racist way. The real issue has been the fear that overcomes me when there is only one black or BIPOC student. How can I teach anti-racism without making them tokens or inadvertently hurting them by making them feel singled out? Lack of representation elevates the importance of anti-racist work in the classroom, of course. I also know that I need to be aware and attuned so as not to inadvertently traumatize a student in an effort to educate my class, and not further ‘other’ them or make them feel uncomfortable. When you are a person from the global majority, being singled out in predominantly white communities can be inescapable. I want to be able to gauge my impact better, even though my intentions are always good. Intentions are irrelevant in this work, but my goals is always to tread lightly on the hearts and souls of others.

I received this thoughtful, reflective, and respectful email from someone after she listened to the episode. I’m not sure how she’d feel about me sharing her name, but I’m pasting her entire email because it's an example of the exact tone of formative feedback that I need to improve. We don’t know each other, but I am grateful for what she wrote and shared:

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Hi!

This is just some comments about last night's podcast on OnEdMentors about Anti-Black Racism - Moving Forward.

I've been thinking about the question that was posed about how do educators embed Anti-Black Racism in schools without little to no diverse population. I would like to share this piece with you : https://medium.com/@nahliahwebber/take-your-school-reform-to-white-kids-so-they-dont-grow-up-to-kill-black-people-7f044edb3674

I believe that it is even more necessary to teach about Anti-Black racism in spaces where white students are the majority because they are the ones who will wield the power. And for that one or two Black students in the classroom, this is where we as educators need give them the option to sit out if they feel uncomfortable or perhaps find more culturally relevant mental health resources. I found the information on teaching tolerance (https://www.tolerance.org/the-moment/may-8-2020-affirming-black-lives-without-inducing-trauma) to be quite useful.

Also, just a quick note, one of your panelists used "The marginalized" to refer to IBPOC, and I would suggest saying racialized people or IBPOC because it can really other these people. Here's an article that explains a little bit about the topic : https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-the-blacks-the-gays-2016-10.

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This helpful and detailed feedback is not the anger some have received at times when they get things wrong or miss the mark. People can be harsh and shut down dialogue in their attempt to encourage change. Their anger is usually justified but it's not helpful when it comes out as criticism. This type of feedback makes me feel less afraid of making mistakes and more motivated to face myself, unlearn what I need to, and keep moving forward.

It's hard to look back on the episode and not feel some sense of pride, even with all of my growth areas. It was a powerful conversations because people were speaking from their hearts and everyone there is committed to making a different in our system and for our students. Every time another educator shares this with a compelling comment about why it should be heard, I am happy while also feeling nervous about my candour. Rashmee made me feel better sharing that, "The honesty of the facilitator and the panelists has made an impact." What more could I want out of an episode? I look forward to continuing to invite different voices into the space so the audience and I can listen, learn and grow.