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Songs to Feel Like Herself To: Jen Apgar's P3


Jen Apgar is in her 6th year as the 21st Century Technology Coach with the Upper Grand District School Board. She taught in the junior gifted program for 10 years and holds her specialists in Integration of Information and Computer Technology in Instruction as well as Special Education. Jen is curious, connected, playful, passionate and purposeful, a hopeful optimist that strives to use the tension of reality to stay grounded while keeping the spirit of her 'What if?' 8-10 year old self. She used to imagine that she was a character from a lost Steven Spielberg movie, which could only be described as a Goonies-E.T.-Explorers-Gremlins-Cloak and Dagger-Stand by Me mash-up, and then Stranger Things happened. Now she is working on creating new characters that represent the the fun adventurous spirit of the 80’s more inclusively designed for all humans to equitably quest towards fabulous failures and journeys through joy.

While Jen has been part of my PLN for a while, we met for the first time last Spring at the Learning Forward Ontario networking event, and Jen spoke, throwing down a quote from Shawshank. Then, at Bring It Together (BIT) was coming closer, we were speaking through DM about our Ignites, and it made us even more excited for each other. (I had felt terribly about not getting to see every Ignite that evening because I had to get home to my kids an hour and a half away.) Her approach to her Ignite focused on her message and not on memorization. Jen reflected that everyone’s Ignite was personal and showed a special side of each presenter. Jen’s Ignite was a celebration of her vulnerability and her theme of making connections, which are shout outs to Brené Brown’s work, who she mentions a few times throughout the show. Jen also felt like the event was a safe space, combining the right amount of challenge at the right time. It was a message that she had been percolating for some time, and it is something she wants to do again, at some point. Here’s the recording of her Ignite:

When discussing her experience preparing for guest appearance on the P3, Jen alluded to Brené again when she spoke about sharing in a wholehearted fashion and feeling confident to spotlight in an “inspirational as opposed to aspirational way.” Jen had told me that she was struggling with this task because she had not identified as someone who found music particularly important. In the end, she discovered her songs and was able to share the stories that go with them as well as their relevance as a representation of diverse voices, which also happened to all be Canadian selections. Jen connects, “first through lyrics and then by the feeling of the music.”

When Jen heard the word nostalgia, it made her wonder if 1989 constituted enough of a throwback for her nostalgic song. This was the first song that Jen had ever memorized all the words to, and she referred to it as, “Clean, old school Canadian rap.” Coming from a family that watched movies and listened to their soundtracks as sources of music in their home, it was a big deal that Jen had even made a mixed tape. She recalled listening to this song on her yellow Sony Walkman, trying to memorize it in time for the concert she would be attending in Norval, Ontario on a random Sunday night. Her “anonymized” Facebook name is connected to this artist, and a bonding activity for the rugby team she coached at McMaster relates to a lyric from the song. Her throwback is a throwdown that she rapped for listeners and connected to the maker-mindset expressed in the song. Every time she hears it, she thinks back to her impressive flexibility in successfully doing the “jump through the leg” dance move that she would practice with her boyfriend and friends in the basement before a high school dance. Here is Let Your Backbone Slide by Maestro Fresh Wes:

Jen’s identity song features Classified, who is an artist whose work she considered for this song category, but she decided on is one she described as a female-identified lesbian artist from the west coast. She has recently seen a few of her shows, and she connects to this song as a teacher of gifted students as well as an individual. The song is about positive self talk and, in terms of an identity piece, Jen hopes she makes people feel like this. She describes the song as one that that encourages listeners to not give in to negative feelings and focus on the positive. Jen shares the collective joy she felt at this concert and the shared experience of the music. “To be in a room of folks to have someone say this stuff to you...it’s a moving experience. A lot of her audience is queer, so to have that positive energy...is just a cool vibe.” Jen referred to a line in the song about being the underdog and then overcoming that. Some of the lyrics that really speak to her include:

I didn't listen to your negative reasons

I don't got time for that sort of thinking

I'm unaware if you're trying to bring me down

Too busy thinking better thoughts

And I love that so much

I believe, I believe, I believe

I can do it if I want

I believe, I believe

I can do it if I want

I believe, I believe

That everyone's with me

Jen feels thankful and lucky to have been supported when she came out, and she hopes that other music from artists like this are affirming for people who are less supported than she was during this pivotal time. Here is Thoughts on Fire by Ria Mae:

Jen and I spoke a bit about the power of music as a shared experience. Some of the significant memories she has as an educator related to songs with her students like Inner Ninja by Classified or Brave by Sarah Bareilles, which she loved sharing with her students. She may be heading back to the classroom at some point, and it was fun for her to recall the musical connection of a Thriller performance for an October assembly that she had done with her class and another time when they taped glow sticks to make the kids into stick figures and performed to Katy Perry’s Fireworks. Jen was happy to recall these musical memories.

Jen’s pick-me-up song was one her daughter brought to her attention. As a competitive indoor rock-climber, this song is on one of the playlists for their practices. It’s a song that she added to their listening repertoire and lasts the ride home from the facility where she picks her up from her climbing. This song also pumps up a crew of her adult friends because it’s empowering, speaks about “being full of efficacy; confident but not arrogant, and being ready to make amazing things happen.” Here is Okay Okay by Alessia Cara:

If you want to learn more about Jen, you can connect with her through Twitter.


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