Today, our Middle School girls sat with their mothers, friends and teachers to watch Finding Kind. Finding Kind is a documentary and a movement about mean girls, bullying, friendship, accountability and, ultimately, spreading kindness. The two founders, Lauren Paul and Molly Thompson, went on a mission to help people share their struggles, listen to each other, consider how they treat each other, and become more accountable for their choices and behaviours. Young girls and old spoke as victims and perpetrators of mean behaviour and, of course, on the deep impact of bullying. This was my third viewing.
Six years ago, when we first began the Respectful School Initiative, one of the parents on the committee heard about Finding Kind and helped to bring it to our school. A colleague and I facilitated the conversation with the Grade 6 girls after the film, as the classes were divided by grade to focus on their specific cohort and concerns. It was really powerful to help guide the students through the next steps of writing apologies and sharing kind cards. While much of what transpired was a fleeting bond, it started something. That day, one of the students mentioned Think Bracelets.
The idea behind Think Bracelets, as she explained, was that you wear a bracelet that would help you become more aware of your thoughts. When you think negative thoughts about others, you have to switch wrists. If you realize that you are switching wrists often, it helps you become more mindful of the mean thinking and, hopefully, starts to help you change the related behaviours. It is a way to help people consider how they treat each other and to catch themselves before they say or do cruel things. In its earliest stages, the Respectful School Ambassadors, part of the student arm of the Respectful School Initiative, took on the Think Bracelet idea as their mission. With our small budget, we purchased boondoggle in your school colours and enlisted other Middle School students to help teach the younger kids how to make Think Bracelets. I have seen lots of different versions on Etsy, but that was the idea behind ours.
By the time Finding Kind was shown for the second time, a new crop of Middle Schoolers experienced the film with a different context. P.I.N.K. had been adopted as part of school culture, so the words from the acronym positive, inclusive, nurturing and kind were ideals that we spoke openly about and were teaching lessons on. The film had an impact, but by then it was more than just the film. Students were immersed in a culture of kindness. Students had real Think Bracelets- the plastic kind in our school colours with a big yellow THINK on them. We were building a culture of kindness. By that point, I wore mine religiously. Like a uniform, it became part of who I am. I could see a difference in the school, so there was even better groundwork for receiving the film and living the mission.
Today, I watched the film again. Girls cried. Moms cried. A few of my colleagues were deeply moved. One had seen it with me the first two times, but her daughter is now in the depths of the battle with a terrible bully who has single handedly alienated her from all her friends and has purposely attempted to suck her will to live. This situation has paralyzed their family, and it was really hard for her to watch the movie. The other reminded me why this movie isn’t just for the students. We are all the culmination of our life experiences, and these things stick with you. We may never have grown up watching Mean Girls or reading Queen Bees and Wannabes, but few of us escaped our youth without some first had experience. Before social media and cyberbullying, there was still that relentless cruelty that stemmed from being caught up with fitting in or struggling for power. This is a timeless and pervasive issue among women. Even though it may be a distant memory for many, scars run deep for many others. There can be struggle with the past or even the present. Some of us have to face bullying in the workplace, and it doesn't get easier as you age. Being older doesn't necessarily mean that things change all that much, but being kind does.
Being kind doesn't cost anything, yet it has a huge return on investment. After the film today, I looked at the THINK P.I.N.K. Bracelet around my wrist. This round of printing, we added P.I.N.K. because the students felt it should be there- that we could focus on the things that we want to be thinking instead of what we shouldn't, highlighting the positive. It was P.I.N.K. Shirt Day last week, our anti-bullying day, so the timing was especially great for watching the film. If we can find unconditional positive regard for ourselves and each other (it doesn't mean liking everyone, but it does mean respecting them for who they are), and we learn to think before we look someone up and down, speak negatively, act meanly etc., we can all find ourselves a little kinder and the world a bit better off. I was so happy to see the film and think about the value of finding kind again today. I invite more people to check out the documentary, join the movement or, at least, consider the message of the Kind Campaign. Kindness really is contagious.
If you are interested in the flip side of the gender experience, author Rosalind Wiseman of Queen Bees and Wannabes also wrote Masterminds and Wingmen. Here's a link to an article about it from The Atlantic.
