Blogging in the Face of Anxiety

Few people will believe me when I say that I have always been a very anxious person. I come off strong and confident, and I am, but I also overthink everything. I experience a lot of anxiety over things big and small, and it is a battle I am happy to fight. Blogging was something really easy for me. The idea of inviting people to to respond to my ideas makes sharing very difficult. After reading A.J. Juliani’s post titled Fighting the Fear and Anxiety of Sharing Your Work With the World, I felt compelled to respond with my own narrative.

It takes audacity to put yourself out there, and I was sure I had it, until I went to take the first step. I wrote an article on Building Outside the Blocks, the approach I have developed that uses personalizing projects to help students develop skill, autonomy and community in minimal class time. It took months for me to send it out, but it felt incredible when the article was published last February in Canadian Teacher Magazine. Seeing the article in print and hearing many favourable responses actually made me long to share more. Through my writing, I came to believe in BOB as something every teacher of Grade 3 and up should try. How was I ever going to muster the chutzpa to further assert that idea?

Last September, I committed to blogging. I love to write, and I am usually overflowing with ideas for and beyond the classroom, but I really struggled with the notion of actually sharing my writing. Leaving myself open to scrutiny was almost debilitating. Every time I went to share a post, my heart pounded with the rhythm of doubt and my hands began to shake. I had to fight through the fear of being told I had nothing of value, even if I knew, whole-heartedly, that I did. I then promised myself a monthly blogging frequency. I successfully set up my blog and linked it to my website. As an aside, it took me almost an entire year to allow my website to go live out of the same fears I am now sharing with you. The self-deprecating talk can only be hushed by action. Too much thinking is like the hamster wheel spinning intently, but not getting anywhere. I was going to start blogging about my projects to show how they engage learners and make a huge impact on both the individual and the community. My #OneWord2016 was #verb, so my goal was action in spite of anxiety. Like Dory's, my mantra was to, "Just keep swimming."

Every month, I find myself excited when a post comes together. Like magic, I consider it for weeks, and then it pours out of me like a finely concocted smoothie- refreshing and restorative. Then, the rush of anxiety hits me as I determine how to share it. When I started, I just put it up on my feed, releasing it aimlessly to the Twitterverse. Then, I evolved to tag a few safe tweeps the single time I would post it. Now, I am working towards tagging people who I think may be genuinely interested in the subject of the post and risking the multiple send outs. I don’t shake any less, but I breathe through it. Blogging is reflective, self-affirming and empowering. One should not be deterred by the potential dissension over a post but infused, instead, by the possible impact of its reach. That is another thing I tell myself to encourage pressing the word "tweet".

Blogging is a liberating way to share the things that light you up. It may even light others up, too. As I continue to work through my anxiety over potential criticism, it becomes easier to find the courage to move forward in spite of my fears. I will encourage anyone (and myself) to take heed of the words in A.J. Juliani’s post, "Every great idea, every innovation, every creative act will have its detractors. It’s up to us to keep sharing and creating in the midst of critics." If you believe that you have something of value, especially if you have the artifacts to support that assertion, it is more than likely that at least a few others will believe it, too. Blog on.

My #Oneword2017 is #perspective, and writing this post is helping me gain more insight on the role it plays in overcoming some of my sharing worries. I hope this naked confession helps at least one other person take a bold step towards shouting out about the things they love. I may be afraid, but I blog anyway. Now, I am committing to writing every day and posting more than once a month. I may even share all of them, too.